you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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