DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
