Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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