we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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