HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
