she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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