Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
