My hair reeks of homosexuality.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
