I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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