Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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