Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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