I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
