Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
