no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize