They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
