Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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