Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
