I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
