i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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