i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
