Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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