Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Semen is not good for contacts.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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