Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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