Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He passed out mid-signature
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
