**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
