i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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