I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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