I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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