you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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