That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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