So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
