she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
