Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize