Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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