I love black thongs
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
