the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
