Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
