It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
