dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
a search helicopter?!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
