Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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