I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize