I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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