I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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