Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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