Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
