$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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