i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
