I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
