Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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