dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
