R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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