but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
