so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
