Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
