I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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