You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
