We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
