so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
