Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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