I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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