the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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