I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
