i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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