She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
