Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
