Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
