i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
