$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I AM VODKA MAN
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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