when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
