Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
