Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
