My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
