no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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