I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
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I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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