I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i came on her dog
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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