This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
