there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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