In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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