She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
