I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
