idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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