i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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