I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The ass gains better be worth it
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