Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
