where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We need to get me chipped asap
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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