we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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