i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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